I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
