Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
as a side note pls kill me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
