Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
