Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just pee around me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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