Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize