the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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