nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
