is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
