Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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