So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize