Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
