im having a threesome with these popsicles
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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