i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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