if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
