Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
