I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
