apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
