Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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