I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
