my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So much rum. So many feels.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
