I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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