I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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