I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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