yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Blood and glitter go together right?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
