I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
