Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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