My balls are so social today.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will pee on everything he values.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
