I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The struggles of a small town man whore
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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