I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
