I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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