i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
