I want to make a zoo with you.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
