im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
