yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
