The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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