GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
