Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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