my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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