I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
