maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I came so hard my ears popped.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
