Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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