Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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