My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize