Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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