I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
