I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
