the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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