I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
