Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
