Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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