haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
