white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
