That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This baby is an asshole
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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