Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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