guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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