I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
