Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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