whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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