I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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