Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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