i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
