hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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