Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
