his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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