just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
