Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They have beer where we have blood.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
