Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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