There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
