I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today