I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.