overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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