The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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