We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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