My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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