so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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