If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
