They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
